What Is Abandonment Trauma?

We understand the isolation and fear that comes with abandonment trauma. It's more than just being lonely; it's a profound, persistent psychological response that dictates your actions and relationships. We have the roadmap to guide you through recognizing the true signs of this deep wound and finding concrete steps toward healing and self-control.

How does abandonment trauma primarily impact adult relationships?

Abandonment trauma most often manifests as an intense, persistent fear that close people will leave, creating patterns of anxiety, self-sabotage, and difficulty trusting others. This fear drives the development of insecure patterns like the anxious attachment style or avoidant attachment style, consistently influencing how adults seek and maintain intimacy.

We have a complete breakdown of how this trauma develops, from childhood neglect to the effects of loss in adulthood. Keep reading to uncover the specific signs of Abandonment PTSD and learn the precise coping mechanisms and treatment options you need to finally develop healthier attachments.

Table of Contents

• What Is Abandonment Trauma?

• The Development of Abandonment Trauma: Not Just a One-Time Event

• Signs of Abandonment PTSD

• Signs of Abandonment in Children

• Effects of Abandonment PTSD in Adults

• Abandonment and Attachment Styles

  • Avoidant Attachment Style

  • Anxious Attachment Style

  • Disorganized Attachment Style

• Coping With Abandonment Trauma

  • Validating Your Emotions and Sense of Self

  • Practicing Mindfulness

• Treatment Options to Heal Abandonment Trauma

  • Psychotherapy and Counseling

  • Family Therapy

  • Expressive Arts Therapy

• Frequently Asked Questions

What Is Abandonment Trauma?

Also known as abandonment syndrome, this is a mental health issue. It shows up as a kind of anxiety. This anxiety comes from experiencing abandonment trauma or neglect. For some, this means a parental figure was absent from a young age. This can leave an individual feeling as if they have to fend for themselves before they are biologically ready.

Others may experience it due to emotional abandonment in childhood. A parental figure may be physically present throughout childhood. Yet, they do not play an emotionally supportive role. This can happen by ignoring a child’s emotional needs or outright denying them. These feelings can compound into intensely traumatic experiences.

Abandonment trauma leaves one feeling isolated. They may also be fearful of the world itself or of others. Getting into intimate relationships of any kind can be challenging. The intense fear of being left behind or abandoned again can be prevalent throughout all interpersonal interactions.

It can also occur even if there was genuine care from parent to child during their developmental years. Going through a divorce or experiencing the death of a parent can also create PTSD of abandonment, even unintentionally. For a developing child, the feelings of loneliness and uncertainty are real. Not knowing how their physical, psychological, and emotional needs will be met daily can all develop into a kind of abandonment trauma.

Abandonment trauma can happen to anyone. The key element is a perceived or actual loss of essential connection or safety. This sets up a profound fear of abandonment that can last for years.

The Development of Abandonment Trauma: Not Just a One-Time Event

Abandonment isn’t necessarily tied to a single traumatic event. There doesn’t need to be a sudden tragedy involved, such as the loss of a parent, to develop abandonment trauma. For some, abandonment syndrome can slowly develop over the years. It can still have disastrous effects on one’s worldview.

New parents may be genuinely excited to care for their newborn child. However, if throughout a child’s developmental years, both parents see a drastic increase in their work hours, the child may be left without a consistent caregiver. In this scenario, feelings of abandonment can still manifest. This is called perceived abandonment.

Even those who consistently try to create meaningful relationships may build these feelings as a relationship deteriorates over time. Feelings of abandonment due to failed romantic relationships or the loss of close friendships can have a similar effect on an individual’s mental state. Each relationship failure further reinforces feelings of abandonment and compounds into genuinely traumatic experiences. This shows how abandonment trauma is the fear or anxiety of people you are close to leaving you.

Loss of a parent by divorce or death is a unique form of abandonment trauma. It involves a physical absence that redefines a child's world. This loss creates an immediate and profound sense of separation. Children must quickly adjust to a life without that central figure. This sudden change can trigger a deep-seated fear of losing loved ones.

Signs of Abandonment PTSD

Several symptoms can indicate the presence of abandonment trauma. Most commonly, abandonment depression and abandonment anxiety can dictate one’s feelings and actions through everyday life. This is where understanding the symptoms of abandonment trauma becomes vital.

Emotional & Behavioral Signs	Relationship Patterns	Self-Perception
Inability to trust others	Prevalence of co-dependent relationships	Expressions of self-detriment
A strong fear of losing loved ones	Insecurity in established relationships	Negative self-image
Isolationist tendencies	Overly controlling demeanor	Low self-esteem
Self-sabotaging behavior or language	Unwillingness to leave unhealthy relationships	Development of eating disorders
Anxiety and depression and abandonment	Inability to confide personal information	Seeking external validation
Feeling obliged to be a “people pleaser”	Relationship abandonment fears	Engaging in self-harm (in severe cases)

Abandonment PTSD can also lead to more serious mental health issues. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one such possibility in some cases. It is common that those experiencing abandonment trauma will find themselves unable or unwilling to leave even abusive relationships. This stems from their greater fear of feeling alone. This pattern can then beget even further trauma. Learn more about the complexities of trauma and recovery at the National Institute of Mental Health.

Signs of Abandonment in Children

Children may express their abandonment trauma in a few additional ways. Children suffering from abandonment PTSD may feel extreme levels of anxiety or depression. This can happen when they have to attend school. They may also showcase extreme “clinginess” to their remaining caregiver. It is also possible that childhood trauma can affect one’s development as a whole, stunting their emotional and psychological growth. Signs of childhood abandonment trauma in adults often trace back to these early indicators:

• Low self-esteem when it comes to tasks.

  
  

• Consistently sick or playing sick in order to stay home.

  
  

• Children who are unable to sleep soundly by themselves.

  
  

• Extreme separation anxiety, which is a significant fear of being left alone.

  
  

These can all be indicative of some kind of abandonment anxiety. Things that can cause psychological and physical trauma during childhood include:

• Abuse, neglect, and abandonment.

  
  

• Environmental issues, like poverty.

  
  

• Death. The loss associated with the death of a loved one, especially when it's sudden, can trigger feelings of anxiety, stress, and abandonment issues.

  
  

• Divorce or Separation. Issues in adult relationships can stem from fear of abandonment. Conflict, marital discord, or infidelity can foster feelings of anxiety. Abandonment from a parent is a unique form of abandonment trauma.

  
  

• Unmet Emotional Needs. Feeling unheard, unseen, and unappreciated plays a role in problematic attachment styles and abandonment issues.

  
  

Stressful or traumatic events endured throughout the lifespan may also contribute to or intensify abandonment fears.

Effects of Abandonment PTSD in Adults

People with abandonment issues can still feel its effects well into their adult lives. Many people still suffer from their traumatic experiences. Adults may be prone to lashing out when emotionally challenged. This can be directed at others or at themselves. They may have difficulty rationalizing their emotional reactions to other people.

This can also present as being emotionally unavailable. Self-esteem and self-image issues are common. Some individuals even engage in self-harm or develop eating disorders as a result. These are clear signs of abandonment trauma in adults.

Those who have suffered from this trauma may also look to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol to emotionally suppress these feelings. This can quickly and dangerously develop into dependence or addiction on addictive substances. It is paramount that an individual finds ways to objectively manage their substance use. This must happen if any signs of abandonment are present. This can be through a support system or by engaging in a professional program.

How does abandonment trauma affect relationships? The impact is profound. Adults with this trauma often struggle with abandonment issues in relationships. They may push partners away to "control" the leaving. They might cling tightly, fearing any distance. This creates a cycle of fear and separation.

Abandonment and Attachment Styles

Those who suffer from abandonment will do so in unique ways. The relationship attachment styles that develop as a result of one’s personal experiences can help better outline the nature of positive or negative relationships.

Secure: This attachment style is what is strived for in a healthy relationship. Those in a secure attachment can find themselves comfortable with intimacy and vulnerability. They can still rely on their own agency for feelings of self-worth. It is the balance of a trusted emotional outlet that acts as a supportive, but not controlling, partnership.

While secure relationships are the goal, those who have suffered from abandonment PTSD might find it very difficult to establish these kinds of relationships. Rather, it is more common for those overcoming this trauma to experience avoidant attachment style, anxious attachment style, or disorganized attachment styles.

Avoidant Attachment Style

This style is defined by overwhelming feelings of vulnerability. It can be incredibly hard to develop meaningful intimate relationships. This is out of one’s fear of exposing themselves to emotional vulnerability. They fear opening themselves up to further abandonment or rejection. An individual may still desire a relationship but is unwilling to get close to others. This comes from fear of abandonment and a perceived negative self-image.

Anxious Attachment Style

Someone with an anxious attachment style often craves closeness and intimacy. However, they are constantly worried about their partner’s availability and responsiveness. They may become overly reliant on their partner for validation and self-worth. This is often an expression of the core fear: the fear of being abandoned. They might try to control the relationship to prevent the anticipated loss.

Disorganized Attachment Style

This style is a mix of both anxious and avoidant behaviors. It is often strongly associated with past trauma, like childhood abandonment trauma. The individual both desires a close connection and is simultaneously terrified of it. Their actions can be unpredictable. They may seek closeness one moment, then push their partner away the next. This makes it very difficult for them to develop healthier attachments.

Coping With Abandonment Trauma

Coping with the lingering effects of abandonment PTSD is a complicated task. Each individual will need to find their own best practices to do so. However, it is important to have a goal in mind for each day ahead.

First, in coping with abandonment PTSD, outline what one’s emotional responsibilities are.

This applies both to themselves and in regards to others in a relationship. An individual may feel compelled to take emotional responsibility for everything in a relationship. Writing down or otherwise outlining things that are objectively not one’s responsibility can begin to help draw boundaries. These boundaries separate one’s own identity from their relationship expectations.

For example, you are responsible for engaging in your own self-care. But you are not responsible for a partner becoming upset due to something that happened at their workplace. You aren’t expected to take responsibility for this or fix it for them. It is something that is out of your control. Therefore, it can’t be blamed on you. This process helps build trust and self-worth by clarifying where your responsibility ends.

Validating Your Emotions and Sense of Self

Learning to validate one’s own emotions and sense of self is also crucial. Practicing this can be difficult, but it can start off simply. For example, allowing yourself to express one of your interests. You can allow yourself to feel upset at your partner for objective reasons.

There is nothing wrong with having hobbies that are wholly for yourself. Acknowledging them as personal outlets is a powerful practice. Likewise, validating yourself can also mean acknowledging when something is objectively well done. It is okay to tell yourself that you are a good artist, take exceptional care of pets, or are capable of professional strides. This is a crucial step in how to heal an abandonment wound.

Practicing Mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness can also help you cope with lingering trauma. It helps manage how your emotional responses manifest. Mindfulness is the act of being wholly aware of one’s emotional and physical responses. It encourages breathing exercises or other practices to process these emotions. This allows you to better understand why you feel compelled to react in a certain way.

Mindfulness can provide much-needed time to process an event. This allows you to react accordingly to your higher judgment. You move away from instinctual, fear-driven responses. Identifying one’s physical and emotional responses and where they may stem from can further scaffold one’s continued development of coping mechanisms.

Treatment Options to Heal Abandonment Trauma

Overcoming these traumatic experiences is not something that ever has to be done alone. It is normal to seek professional help from trained mental health professionals. They can help navigate this intense emotional space.

Psychotherapy and Counseling

Starting with psychotherapy can provide a great baseline for one’s current emotional space. This can be through intimate, safe, individual sessions. It can also be a part of a group where one can meet other victims of trauma and find a tribe of kinship.

Therapy for abandonment trauma focuses on recognizing patterns and challenging core beliefs. Having a safe space to address these sensory experiences is crucial for beginning the development of a secure therapeutic relationship. There is no need to rush one’s trust in a professional. However, having a safe space to express oneself can help set up a baseline for continued growth. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT techniques for abandonment issues) is highly effective in reframing negative thought patterns.

Family Therapy

For some, family therapy may be necessary. This is especially true in the case of the loss of a parent or divorce. Having space and assistance navigating these discussions is crucial for managing one’s emotions. It can help mend relationships that may have been tried due to losing a family member.

Expressive Arts Therapy

It is common for people who are struggling with abandonment issues to have trouble opening themselves up to a sensitive or vulnerable conversation topic. This can be due to fear of abandonment. It can also stem from a fear of talking about childhood trauma. Ultimately, healing long term requires assistance. Engaging in art therapy or music therapy can be a great bridge. It helps find a way to express these difficult emotions in a way that feels safer.

Creating works of art, using journaling or writing therapy, or even discovering or performing music can all be ways of expressing complex emotions in a new medium. Using art therapy and creating a painting doesn’t necessarily mean you have to display it or show it to anyone if you are not ready to. Rather, it acts as a personal medium to begin processing complex emotions. It gives you a tangible, physical form to begin understanding. This is a gentle yet powerful way for many people to how to process abandonment trauma.

Frequently Asked Questions

• What are some common signs of abandonment PTSD in adults?

Common signs in adults include an inability to trust others, isolating oneself, engaging in self-sabotaging behavior, prevalence of co-dependent relationships, anxiety, depression, and development of eating disorders. They also exhibit a strong fear of losing loved ones.

• How does abandonment trauma relate to different attachment styles?

Abandonment trauma often leads to avoidant attachment style (fear of emotional vulnerability), anxious attachment style (over-reliance on a partner for self-worth), or disorganized (difficulty trusting anyone, preferring isolation) attachment styles. This makes a secure attachment challenging to establish. This is a key part of abandonment issues psychology.

• Can abandonment trauma be caused by something other than physical absence?

Yes, abandonment trauma can also be caused by emotional abandonment. This is where a caregiver is physically present but does not provide emotional support. It can also be caused by unintentional events like divorce or the death of a parent, which are forms of perceived abandonment.

• What is the role of mindfulness in coping with abandonment trauma?

Mindfulness is the practice of being fully aware of your emotional and physical responses. This provides much-needed time to process an event. It allows you to react according to your higher judgment rather than an instinctual, fear-based response.

• Besides traditional psychotherapy, what other treatments are available for abandonment trauma?

Other treatment options include family therapy, as well as creative therapies like art therapy or music therapy. These can act as a safe bridge for expressing difficult or vulnerable emotions and are critical steps in healing abandonment trauma.

• What is the distinction between abandonment trauma and general abandonment issues?

Abandonment trauma refers to the deep psychological wound and the long-term impact on the nervous system, often involving symptoms of PTSD. General abandonment issues describe the resulting behavioral and relational patterns like clinginess, people-pleasing, or pushing people away. Trauma implies a more profound, pervasive, and often earlier-onset wound.

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If the signs of abandonment trauma resonate with your experience, or you recognize these struggles in a loved one, please know you don't have to navigate the path to healing alone. We at Chateau Health and Wellness Treatment Center understand the depth of these issues and are committed to offering the safe, professional support needed to move past abandonment PTSD and build secure attachment styles. Our evidence-based and holistic programs, including trauma-informed therapy and expressive arts, are designed to help you regain your sense of self-worth and foster healthy relationships. We are here to partner with you on this crucial journey toward long-term recovery and emotional freedom. Take the first step toward your healing today; call us at (801) 877-1272 to begin creating a healthier future.

About The Author

Ben Pearson, LCSW, Clinical Director

Ben Pearson, LCSW - Clinical Director

With 19 years of experience, Ben Pearson specializes in adolescent and family therapy, de-escalation, and high-risk interventions. As a former Clinical Director of an intensive outpatient program, he played a key role in clinical interventions and group therapy. With 15+ years in wilderness treatment and over a decade as a clinician, Ben has helped countless individuals and families navigate mental health and recovery challenges.