How Unresolved Trauma Affects Your Children

Dealing with the aftermath of trauma is a deeply personal journey, but its effects often ripple outward, significantly impacting those closest to us. When trauma goes unresolved, its influence can be especially profound on a person's parenting style and their children's well-being. Understanding this connection is a vital first step toward healing for the entire family.

How does unresolved trauma affect parenting?

Unresolved trauma can lead to a fearful and overly controlling parenting style, emotional unavailability, and the use of unhealthy coping mechanisms like drug and alcohol abuse. These behaviors can introduce anxiety and emotional barriers into the parent-child relationship.

There's more to understand about how different forms of trauma shape parenting styles and the lasting effects on children. Let's explore these connections in more detail, including the specific ways trauma can compromise a parent's emotional availability and the impact of unhealthy coping strategies, which highlights how unresolved trauma affects children.

The Different forms of Trauma: How Unresolved Trauma Affects Children

Nothing about overcoming trauma is easy, but understanding the effects it has on one's children is crucial when determining the best path to healing.

Trauma comes in many forms and can occur at any time. However, while trauma is an incredibly complicated personal battle, its effects extend far beyond a single person. Regardless of the isolating feelings created by traumatic experiences, one's family, and especially one's children, can be greatly impacted by one's traumatic experiences if they go unresolved.

“Trauma” is a very broad term, with each individual's experiences and perspective defining what “trauma” means to them. For some, traumatic experiences come in the form of exposures to violence or disaster, such as being around tense, armed situations, being the victim of physical abuse or assault, or vehicle crashes. Others may experience trauma as a result of natural disasters, such as floods, tornados, or any other events that create their own physical and emotional injuries.

Can Emotional Trauma Be Just as Harmful as Physical Trauma?

Trauma does not necessarily have to include an element of physical harm to be wholly traumatic and impact one's mental health and worldview. The death of a loved one, verbal abuse, threats on one's life, threats of sexual violence, or witnessing traumatic events happening to others can all leave a massive mental and emotional impact that reframes how an individual perceives the world.

This kind of trauma is incredibly detrimental, but it is not the only kind of trauma that one can suffer from. Trauma comes in two distinct categories – “Trauma,” spelled with a capital “T,” and “trauma,” with a lowercase “t.” This lowercase trauma has its own manifestations that can be equally as detrimental for one's mental and emotional health.

This “trauma” can encapsulate things such as the loss of close relationships. Some situational examples can include moving away from a best friend, being teased, bullied, or not having one's birthday celebrated. These kinds of traumas may not carry a direct physical trauma, but can equally reshape one's perspective of the world and one's self-confidence and sense of self-worth.

First responders can be at an increased risk of trauma. They may often be involved with high-stress and violent situations or directly helping victims in the aftermath of disastrous scenarios. With all of the different forms that trauma may take, it can feel like an overwhelming and isolating presence. However, without a way to process one's trauma, it can affect one's children in a number of ways.

Creating a Parenting Style

Trauma influences one's worldview and thus influences how an individual may raise their children. However, the effects of unresolved trauma can have many negative effects on one's parenting styles.

Those who have lived through disaster may develop unhealthy, even antagonistic views, seeing every corner filled with potential risks and dangers regardless of how unreasonable they may be.

This introduces a very fearful type of parenting. Such parenting imparts not only a wholly negative view of the world filled with fear and anxiety, but also may lead to an overbearing, overly controlling parenting method.

While one's intentions may be to protect one's children, without resolving this trauma, this can lead to isolating the children from their social needs. Furthermore, it may create an atmosphere of anxiety and depression that can become pervasive throughout a child's developmental years as they suffer from unreasonable worldviews and ideas.

Compromising Your Emotional Availability

Trauma is an overwhelming experience, and no part of processing trauma is easy. However, as trauma continues to fester in one's mind without proper outlets, it can compromise much of one's emotional being. It can even create a jaded or emotionally unavailable mindset.

For children, this creates an emotional barrier that has its own isolationist consequences, and children may feel emotionally abandoned by their parents if they are not emotionally available to navigate the regular difficulties of growing up.

The Perspective of Unhealthy Coping Strategies

The stress, anxiety, depression, panic, and much more that trauma creates can cause an individual to seek out various unhealthy coping strategies to push down these negative feelings. The use of drugs and alcohol is a common way to attempt to mitigate these symptoms, without regard for its long-term negative effects on one's health. However, the prevalence of drug or alcohol use also has several destructive effects on one's children.

The use of addictive substances has a number of immediate effects, with being drunk or high actively compromising one's ability to aid or interact with their child. However, it also has lasting effects that can continue to impact children throughout their development.

Keeping drugs or alcohol in the house can create unhealthy normality surrounding their use, creating a perception that these substances are less dangerous than they actually are. Their availability in the house can also cause children to begin experimenting with these substances from a young age. They may incorporate their use into their developmental years, thus increasing the chances of addiction developing in the future as the parent continues to struggle with their own unresolved trauma.

Frequently Asked Questions

• What are the two distinct categories of trauma?

Trauma is categorized into "Trauma" (capital T), which includes major events like violence or natural disasters, and "trauma" (lowercase t), which can be things like bullying or the loss of a close relationship.

• Can trauma occur without physical harm?

Yes, trauma doesn't always have to include physical harm. Events like the death of a loved one, verbal abuse, or witnessing a traumatic event can have a massive mental and emotional impact.

• How does a parent's unresolved trauma affect their parenting style?

Unresolved trauma can lead to a fearful and overbearing parenting style, creating an atmosphere of anxiety and potentially isolating children from their social needs.

• How can unresolved trauma affect a parent's emotional availability?

As trauma festers without a healthy outlet, it can create an emotionally unavailable mindset, which can make children feel emotionally abandoned.

• How do unhealthy coping strategies impact children?

When a parent uses unhealthy coping strategies like drugs or alcohol, it not only compromises their ability to parent but can also normalize substance use for their children, increasing the risk of addiction.

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We understand that the journey to heal from trauma is deeply personal, and at Chateau Health and Wellness Treatment Center, we're here to walk that path with you. Our team is committed to providing a supportive, confidential environment where you can begin to process your experiences and build a healthier future for yourself and your loved ones. We believe in empowering you with the tools to break cycles of trauma and create a positive legacy. If you're ready to take the first step, we encourage you to contact us at (435) 222-5225 to learn more about how we can help.

About The Author

Austin Pederson, Executive Director

Austin Pederson, Executive Director of Chateau Health and Wellness

Brings over eight years of experience revolutionizing mental health and substance abuse treatment through compassionate care and innovative business strategies. Inspired by his own recovery journey, Austin has developed impactful programs tailored to individuals facing trauma and stress while fostering comprehensive support systems that prioritize holistic wellness. His empathetic leadership extends to educating and assisting families, ensuring lasting recovery for clients and their loved ones.

Danny Warner, CEO

Danny Warner, CEO of Chateau Health and Wellness

Brings a wealth of experience in business operations, strategic alliances, and turnaround management, with prior leadership roles at Mediconnect Global, Klever Marketing, and WO Investing, Inc. A graduate of Brigham Young University in Economics and History, Danny has a proven track record of delivering results across diverse industries. His most transformative role, however, was as a trail walker and counselor for troubled teens at the Anasazi Foundation, where he directly impacted young lives, a personal commitment to transformation that now drives his leadership at Chateau.

Ben Pearson, LCSW, Clinical Director

Ben Pearson, LCSW - Clinical Director

With 19 years of experience, Ben Pearson specializes in adolescent and family therapy, de-escalation, and high-risk interventions. As a former Clinical Director of an intensive outpatient program, he played a key role in clinical interventions and group therapy. With 15+ years in wilderness treatment and over a decade as a clinician, Ben has helped countless individuals and families navigate mental health and recovery challenges.