Self Forgiveness and PTSD: Healing Shame
- Mar 1, 2022
- 5 min read
Updated: Nov 3
After a traumatic experience, feelings of shame are incredibly common, but they can be a significant barrier to healing. Many people find themselves replaying the event, fixating on what they could have done differently, and placing blame on themselves. This can lead to a cycle of low self-esteem and isolation, making it difficult to move forward.
Why do I feel shame after a traumatic event?
You might feel shame because you're struggling to process the event, causing you to distort what happened and place the blame on yourself. This can be especially true if you believe you should have reacted differently or were unable to stop something from happening, even though you were acting instinctually.
Healing from trauma-related shame involves a process of self-forgiveness and accepting what you can't control. By understanding that you're human and allowing yourself time and space to heal, you can begin to release the shame and move on from the experience. There is more to learn about how to cope, so keep reading to find out.
A common feeling you may experience after something traumatic is shame. This can lead to low self-esteem, depression, and isolation. Healing shame with self-forgiveness and PTSD recovery often begin with addressing that shame. If you're feeling stuck, there are ways to heal and learn to forgive yourself.
Shame After Experiencing Trauma
If you experience a traumatic event, you might find yourself regretting your actions while in that moment. You might have wished you responded differently, or you might blame yourself for the events that transpired.
Perhaps you find yourself looking back at the event, going over every detail, and focusing on what you could have done. This can be common if you have experienced the trauma yourself or even if you had a loved one who experienced the trauma.
Shifting the Blame Onto Yourself
A common symptom you may experience is distorting the reality of the events to shift the blame onto yourself. This is not deliberate, but rather something that comes from being unable to process the event that happened.
PTSD is common if you were not able to seek support from the event or were unable to process the feelings you had at the time. Even if you were not there, but knew someone affected, you might blame yourself for not being there to stop it.
Maybe you might feel that you should have reacted differently. This could be an internalized thought or something based upon what someone said to you during that moment. Often, victims of trauma are blamed for their own inaction during an extremely distressful experience. Despite the fact you might have reacted instinctually through the fight, flight, freeze, or fawn response, there is still guilt associated with what you could have done but did not.
Healing Shame with Self Forgiveness and PTSD: Understanding That You Are Human
Unfortunately, you do not have superhuman abilities to respond perfectly in the face of a dangerous situation. You might often put a lot of pressure on yourself to excel above and beyond in stressful situations. It is okay to make mistakes and to fail. This is a part of being human.
Even if your job is saving lives, there are going to be times when you will not be able to save everyone. That can be scary, but it is a hard part of the job. You have done your best and it is important to keep in mind that you have done nothing wrong.
The truth is that you cannot change the past, and you are limited in what you can control for the future. If you feel ashamed about the events of past trauma, it is important to accept the things you cannot control right now. You cannot change what happened to you.
Yet, you can control how you deal with it in the present. Once you are able to master that understanding, you can learn to accept the things that happened and move on from them.
It might be hard to admit to a loved one that you feel ashamed of your role in a traumatic experience. People want to be their best for the loved ones in their lives, and admitting something they are ashamed of can be scary. You might be afraid their perception of you might change.
Although, being vulnerable with your loved ones and sharing your feelings of shame can help you feel less alone. Shame can often cause emotional isolation, which in turn can lead to disorders such as substance use disorder or depression. Being honest about your shame and the actions of your past can grow and strengthen your connection.
Talk With a Support Group or Therapist
Sharing with a support group about uncomfortable feelings like shame can help you bring these feelings out in the open.
A support group can bring comfort by relating to or understanding your experience, making you feel less alone. A therapist can listen to your feelings and offer you an alternative viewpoint outside of your own perspective.
Often, feelings can become distorted over time, and talking about the events as they occurred might shine a light on the possibility that your role was not as bad, or that you could afford to give yourself more grace.
Allow Yourself Space and Time to Heal
Shame is a difficult emotion to process. It takes time to learn to forgive yourself. Forgiving yourself for your role in your traumatic experience is not something that happens overnight. It might be frustrating that some of these feelings of shame are left over when you are actively working on it, but over time you should be able to fully forgive yourself and move on from the experience.
Frequently Ask Questions:
• Is it normal to blame myself for a traumatic event?
Yes, it's very common to shift the blame onto yourself after a traumatic event, even if you were not at fault. This often happens when you are unable to process the event.
• Can I change the past?
No, you cannot change the past. However, you can control how you deal with the events in the present. Accepting what happened is a key step in moving forward.
• What can I do to stop feeling isolated due to shame?
You can combat isolation by seeking support from loved ones. Sharing your feelings of shame can help you feel less alone and strengthen your connections.
• How can a therapist help with trauma-related shame?
A therapist can offer an outside perspective on your feelings and help you see that you deserve more grace. They can help you talk through the event to understand your role was not as bad as you might think.
• How long does it take to heal from trauma-related shame?
Healing from shame and learning to forgive yourself is a process that takes time. It won't happen overnight, but over time you should be able to fully forgive yourself and move on.
When feelings of shame from past trauma are keeping you from living a full and peaceful life, know that you don't have to carry that burden alone. At Chateau Health and Wellness Treatment Center, we understand the complex journey of healing and we're here to walk alongside you. Our team of compassionate professionals is dedicated to helping you work through these difficult emotions, find self-forgiveness, and build a brighter future. We believe that with the right support, true healing is possible. We invite you to contact us and take that first step toward recovery. Call us today at (435) 222-5225—we are committed to helping you heal and reclaim your life.
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About The Author
Ben Pearson, LCSW - Clinical Director
With 19 years of experience, Ben Pearson specializes in adolescent and family therapy, de-escalation, and high-risk interventions. As a former Clinical Director of an intensive outpatient program, he played a key role in clinical interventions and group therapy. With 15+ years in wilderness treatment and over a decade as a clinician, Ben has helped countless individuals and families navigate mental health and recovery challenges.
