What Is Relational Trauma?
- Danny Warner
- Mar 24, 2022
- 6 min read
Updated: Aug 14
You might be familiar with trauma from car accidents or natural disasters, but there’s another type that is often overlooked: relational trauma. This kind of trauma can significantly impact your mental health, and it stems from damaging experiences within your interpersonal relationships.
What is relational trauma?
Relational trauma is an experience or repeated experience of physical or emotional danger within a relationship, such as domestic abuse, childhood neglect, or having your boundaries repeatedly violated.
Relational trauma can be a difficult experience, but understanding it is the first step toward healing. Keep reading to learn how to identify the signs of relational trauma and discover effective strategies for coping.
There are many different traumatic experiences a person can go through, from car accidents to natural disasters. Most people are aware that these events can stick with a person for a long time after, negatively affecting their mental health.
There are dozens of ways to experience trauma that are not often thought about as trauma. One of those types of trauma is relational trauma.
Trauma From Relationships
People are social creatures. They thrive the most when they make healthy connections and long-lasting friendships with people who support their growth.
Unfortunately, not every connection is healthy. Some connections can be toxic to the point of being abusive. The experience of a toxic or abusive relationship can even cause trauma for others.
What Relational Trauma Looks Like
Trauma is defined as an experience or repeated experience where a person was in physical or emotional danger. In the context of relationships, this can look like living through domestic abuse, experiencing abuse as a child, or being neglected in a relationship.
For example, if a person experienced coercion or control in a relationship, or their boundaries were repeatedly violated, those experiences could cause relational trauma. Another example would be a relationship with unequal power dynamics.
This would be a situation where a manager might be dating or making advances towards one of his employees, or a teacher making advances towards a student. This unequal power dynamic could potentially be traumatizing if the person with less power felt like they could not reject their superior without losing their job or failing a class.
This trauma often is experienced by children with their caregivers which can affect how they develop interpersonal relationships later on. A person who lived through childhood abuse or neglect will struggle to form healthy relationships and might have a shattered sense of identity.
Many therapists screen for adverse childhood experiences or ACE. Some of the experiences fall under the category of relational trauma, such as emotional or physical abuse from a caregiver or witnessing abuse committed by or to another caregiver.
How to Cope With Relational Trauma
If a person has experienced trauma from interpersonal relationships, it can be hard to make connections again. They might be afraid that people will continue to hurt them, or that they will not be able to catch the red flags next time. It can be hard to trust again after experiencing relational trauma, especially if it has happened more than once.
Pay Attention to Your Emotions.
If a person feels that something does not feel right, there is a chance that it is not. When someone feels uncomfortable, anxious, sad, or angry about the way another is treating them, then the connection is not safe.
Listen to Your Body.
How a person's body feels can be an indicator of how another is making them feel, emotionally. If a person constantly feels tense around the other, then it might be time for the individual to evaluate how that relationship is making them feel.
Be Aware of Your Own Patterns.
While relational trauma is normally not the victim's fault, there still might be a part the individual plays. If someone has a history of negative social experiences or a habit of sticking around longer than is safe, there might be some patterns of behavior that are worth evaluating.
When a person looks at their own patterns, they should consider whether they might be attracted to codependent relationships or if they ignore red flags. Often people choose connections that feel the most comfortable to them and reject the ones that feel alien. Recognizing these patterns now can help the next time it comes up.
Experiencing relational trauma can affect a person's connection with themselves and their interests. Someone experiencing PTSD might lose interest in activities that they once enjoyed. A person who invested entirely into an abusive relationship might come out of it not knowing themselves anymore.
Often, people in codependent relationships wrap their entire identity around the relationship, losing themselves in it. After leaving an abusive relationship, or coming to terms with relational trauma, it is important for the individual to discover themselves again. By building an understanding of themselves, they can develop a healthier relationship with themselves.
Relearn to Love Yourself.
Relational trauma can negatively impact self-esteem and self-image. Through the process of healing, it is essential for an individual to learn how to love and care for themselves again. Loving oneself can help to put one's needs above others and feel comfortable and justified when setting and enforcing healthy boundaries.
Frequently Asked Questions
• What are some examples of relational trauma?
Examples include domestic abuse, childhood abuse or neglect, and relationships with unequal power dynamics where a person feels unable to reject a superior.
• How does relational trauma from childhood affect a person later in life?
Experiencing childhood abuse or neglect can make it difficult for a person to form healthy relationships and can lead to a shattered sense of identity.
• Why is it hard to trust people after experiencing relational trauma?
It can be hard to make new connections because a person might be afraid of being hurt again or fear they won't recognize red flags in the future.
• What is the connection between relational trauma and self-esteem?
Relational trauma can have a negative impact on a person's self-esteem and self-image, making it essential to relearn how to love and care for oneself during the healing process.
• What are some ways to cope with relational trauma?
To cope, you can pay attention to your emotions, listen to your body, become aware of your own behavioral patterns, and work to rediscover your identity.
After navigating the complex landscape of relational trauma, we want you to know you're not alone on this journey. At Chateau Health and Wellness Treatment Center, we understand how deeply these experiences can impact your life and your ability to form healthy connections. Our team is here to provide a safe and supportive environment where we can work together to help you heal and rediscover your sense of self. We're committed to helping you build the skills and confidence needed to move forward. If you or a loved one is struggling, we encourage you to take the next step with us. Please reach out to our caring team today at (435) 222-5225, and let's begin the healing process together.
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About The Author
Austin Pederson, Executive Director of Chateau Health and Wellness
Brings over eight years of experience revolutionizing mental health and substance abuse treatment through compassionate care and innovative business strategies. Inspired by his own recovery journey, Austin has developed impactful programs tailored to individuals facing trauma and stress while fostering comprehensive support systems that prioritize holistic wellness. His empathetic leadership extends to educating and assisting families, ensuring lasting recovery for clients and their loved ones.
Danny Warner, CEO of Chateau Health and Wellness
Brings a wealth of experience in business operations, strategic alliances, and turnaround management, with prior leadership roles at Mediconnect Global, Klever Marketing, and WO Investing, Inc. A graduate of Brigham Young University in Economics and History, Danny has a proven track record of delivering results across diverse industries. His most transformative role, however, was as a trail walker and counselor for troubled teens at the Anasazi Foundation, where he directly impacted young lives, a personal commitment to transformation that now drives his leadership at Chateau.
Ben Pearson, LCSW - Clinical Director
With 19 years of experience, Ben Pearson specializes in adolescent and family therapy, de-escalation, and high-risk interventions. As a former Clinical Director of an intensive outpatient program, he played a key role in clinical interventions and group therapy. With 15+ years in wilderness treatment and over a decade as a clinician, Ben has helped countless individuals and families navigate mental health and recovery challenges.
